Okay, so it's been a while!
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: Black Eyed Peas - Elephunk
Topic: General
Okay, I'm a bum. I have written in my blog for quite a while now.

I just had a great weekend down in New Hampshire with Jonathan. I met lots of great new people while I was down there.

Saturday night we went to Boston with some friends of Jon's. We went to this great bar called The Alley. It was Bear night. So many hot guys. Holy crap. Lots of guys were complimenting me too which I really didn't know how to handle as that never happens in the hell of twink lovers I'm surrounded by up here in Maine.

I find it hard to believe that people can be so shallow about looks but I suppose it can go both ways. I don't like skinny guys. I just have no attraction to them whatsoever. The million dollar question I have to ask myself when I'm passing judgement on people though, "Are they just really into twinks or are they into what society tells them beauty is?"

In regards to that though, why do I hold myself to such twisted standards of beauty. Why do I worry about my hair, my acne, my weight? Sure, there's that societal influence, but maybe there's a little more to it. I don't like having my hair too long cause it makes my scalp feel funny and it's hard to keep combed. I don't like my complexion because acne looks gross but also it hurts and doesn't feel so great when I run my hands over my face. I don't like being fat because other people don't like the way I look.... wait, that's bullshit! I like chubby guys. The fat thing's about my clothes fitting right and my health. But everything else has two sides to it.

Life's like that I guess. Sometimes we get hung up about people that are getting hung up on stupid stuff. Are we being hipocrits then? Perhaps. I think the old saying, however religously conotated it may be, is quite true in some ways...

"Judge not, least ye be judged."

I like a different stance on that though. Judge as much as you fucking like but give people the benefit of the doubt `cause there's a really really good chance that you're wrong.

That coin goes both ways. You may think somebody is the greatest thing since sliced bread but then you realize... "wow, an axe murderer. never would have figured as much".

So, to wrap it all up cause it doesn't make too much sense yet, or will make sense at all........

I had a great weekend with lots of hot cub guys around that made me feel good about myself and sexy for a change and I was judging them (in a positive way) without knowing much else about most of them other than that they had bangin' bodies. I'm a judgemental, superficial bastard. GO SOCIAL SUBSECT BEAUTY STANDARDS!!!

Oh, and Transformers are really cool. Optimus is my homey.

Weak ass week
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Junior Senior
Topic: General
I know, I know. I haven't "BLOGGED" for a little while. This has been a weak ass week. I'm not loving the stress at work. I know it's all going to get better but there have been a couple projects that are just stressing me right out!!

The snow. Oh dear God! I hate the snow. It's really putting me into my dark place. We're supposed to get a whole lot more this weekend too and I'm really not looking forward to it. It's killing all of my unwinding plans.

I've definitely got to try to get down to Nashua the following weekend to keep my head from exploding!

I'm so tapped out on cash right now because of my stupid car. I really hope that I get my federal refund check soon. I probably wont be able to afford a new bed but it'll help ease some of the pressure from the money I've had to dump into my car lately.

I really want to write something happy but I'm not thinking of anything now so I guess tonights entry is just going to have to consist of moaning and groaning.

WooHoo! Dentist appointment tomorrow! *slams head onto desk*

I can't friggin' believe it!
Mood:  surprised
Now Playing: Bet you can't guess
Topic: General
I had the most amazing, weird, wonderful, creepy weekend. I went down to New Hampshire to visit Jon. It was great. We had some time to cuddle and watch movies.

On Saturday we stopped by to visit Steve so I could meet Jamie and Steve could meet Jon and the whole cycle of meeting this person and that. It was good to see Steve cause I haven't seen him in such a long time. He seems to be doing well and Jamie seems like a really nice guy.

We spent a little while just hanging out at Steve's and Andy M. called us on Jon's phone. I've been dying to hang out with that punk for like 2 years now. So we met Andy at Margaritas in Nashua and had a drink and some nibbles. The conversation was flowing. I'm thinking, "These people ROCK!" It was great to have people to talk to about topics that I enjoy talking about for a change.

So we're leaving Margaritas but it's still good and early. "Let's go to Manchester and have a couple drinks." Okay. Sounds great but we're all kinda tight on cash. Screw it. Jon wasn't so much up for it but decided what the hell, too. I'm glad he did. On the way up to Manch-Vegas, we're all talking away in the car and I mentioned that I should call my cousin Jason to go out with us to the gay bar cause he's cool shit like that. Well, I figured, it's late. I didn't call him... UNTIL as we were rolling down Elm St. on our way to the bar I saw Jason and Steve (the cousin not the ex) walking down the street right near where we were going.

ARE YOU FUKN KIDDING ME!! (Ring Ring)

Jason> "DAVID?!"
Me> "Where the hell are you walking to, biznatch?!"
Jason> "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Me> "I want to know where you and Steve are walking to."
Jason> "How the hell did you know I was walking with Steve? Where are you?"
Me> "I just passed your punk ass. Come to the gay bar with us."
Jason> "Of course! We'd love to go."
Steve> (in the background) "What? Where are we going?"
Jason> "Don't worry, we can tie his ass up and drag him down, he's going to the gay bar too."
Steve> "Oh no!"
Jason> (To Steve)"Shut up! You're going." (To Me) "He's going."

Thusly, I got my big cousin and my little cousin into a strange gay bar full of old MOs. Time of my life. Got to buy them a few drinks, shoot the shit, hang out with Jon and Steve and Andy M. Good times.

What a weekend.

Are you freakin' kidding me?
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Mindless Self Indulgence - Bring the Pain
Topic: General
Okay, so the day started of horrible. We got an ass-load of snow last night. Already I'm in a bad mood. I clean off my car, go to get inside, wont start. DAMMIT!!! Called AAA and they came to jump me. All's looking well from here. I'm going to drive it to Rowe and have them check the battery. Oh no, fate was having none of that. I got maybe 100 yards down the road and the car just shuts down. Can't move it. Can't start it. Can't even put the damned thing in neutral to get it off the road. Call AAA back. The same tow-truck guys show up and tow my ass to Rowe ford.

Alright, get a shuttle to work from Rowe, don't even have time to take my jacket off and the phone rings. "What happens if I've dumped water on my PC and it wont start now?" ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!

Thus started the downward spiral that was my day. Now I'm heading to bed so that I can wake up a little early and ride in to work with mom.

God I can't wait for the weekend. I can really use a great big hug from Jonathan right now.

Quiet days silence
Mood:  smelly
Now Playing: Coheed and Cambria (of course)
Topic: General
Wow, the boredom was rapant today. I talked with Jonathan online for a while but the rest of the day... not so eventful.

The wind's been blowing making me feel colder on the inside than I truly am. Winter depresses me. Other emotional factors are keeping me up though.

Time passes so slowly this time of year and I end up feeling lost. It's not so bad this time around though. Just have to grit and bare with these empty days.

Only person to blame is myself. (Pardon the preceding cliche.) I think I should start writing poetry again. God knows I've been inspired enough lately.

Warm and Fuzzy
Mood:  flirty
Now Playing: Coheed and Cambria (still)
Topic: Feelings
The more I talk to him the more I fall for this guy. Jonathan is making me feel very warm on the inside. I feel so comfortable talking to him. I'm gonna stop sulking about "not having any luck" cause meeting him was definitely something good for me. I'm very interested in seeing where this can go and I hope it goes well.

I printed off a picture of him to show Stephanie at work and it's ended up sitting at my station. I look at it during the day and his eyes make me smile. Really has helped me the past few days to get through the work day.

I'm starting to sound like a giddy school girl so I guess it's time to call it an end for this days entry. I'll probably be spouting off about Jonathan again real soon.

Busy busy!
Mood:  rushed
Now Playing: Coheed and Cambria
Topic: General
So, I've been feeling stretched a little thin lately. Everybody wants my attention on the weekend it seems and I don't have the time to make everybody happy. I guess I'm just going to have to focus on making myself happy. I can't wait to see Jonathan next week. That'll make me happy.

Something to think about.
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Coheed and Cambria "In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3"
Topic: me and people
So, in the process of texting back and forth with Jonathan tonight, we discussed seeing where things could possibly go while he's still close by. I'm very interested in seeing what can develop between us. He's such a great guy.

I am a bit bummed that he'll be moving back to DC in a few months. He and Pat have been trying to get me to move down there. Very tempted to but I know I can't at this point in my life.

I wish life wasn't so complicated sometimes. Seems that I can't seem to get any breaks when it comes to the good stuff. I know I'll get my break someday. I'm going to keep my hopes high and see what develops from the moments that I get. Have to stay positive that it'll all work out in the end.

A weekend at Dads place.
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Coheed and Cambria
Topic: General
All in all this was a very uneventful weekend. Dad and Wanda were both under the weather so we just had a nice quiet weekend around the house watching movies and tv. It was nice to just get away and relax a bit.

I came home and looked around at my environment. I'm filthy. My room is a wreck and the computer area is just as bad with an added layer of dust. I really need to do something about my cleanliness. I'm really disturbed by my lack of motivation to keep my stuff clean.

I want to start tackling my room so that I can put a new bed in there. I want to have a place that I'm not ashamed to have friends see. Perhaps even get all of my videogame gear set up in there so I don't have to bother mom with it in the living room... too often.

I need some organization and order to my life. I think I need somebody to help motivate me. Friend or more, doesn't matter. Just somebody to help keep my in line.

Ahh, the weekend
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Coheed and Cambria
Topic: Feelings
So, I talked to Steve tonight. It was a great conversation. I've missed him. He's actually got a new boyfriend named Jamie. I'm happy for him too. I'm glad that things went the way they did between us but it still feels kind of weird in a way. I guess because I'm looking for love too. Steve made me feel great and I have a whole lot of love in my heart for him but where's that guy that I can hold and call mine for the rest of my life?

Jonathan definitely has all the qualities I'm looking for in a guy but he's going to be moving back to DC in a few months.

Maybe I am feeling lonely. I don't know. Am I getting old and ready to settle down? If I am, where's the right guy? I guess I just need somebody nice to cuddle with. I need to feel warm on the inside. Steve kinda made me feel that way but not quite as much as I feel I need.

I think I'm ready for my life.