Like anything you do, as anyone you are.
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: My Chemical Romance - Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge
Topic: me and people
I know it's been a long time. I'm sorry, so sorry.

I finally got my XBOX 360 just 2 days before Christmas `05. It's a wonderfully beautiful machine although the power brick on it scares me a bit. I may have to reinforce the living room floor to support the weight of it. I'm such a game junkie.

So I haven't spent much time improving myself lately, just thinking about improving myself.

I got a call from Jessica (Yes, THE Jessica) tonight. I about shit myself hearing her voice on the other end of the phone. I've been thinking about her and our many exploits lately. I definitely need to get out of the house more and I'll have to start by visiting her. It's her B-Day this week and I feel like a horrible friend for not having kept in touch with her.

What happened to the social side of me? I'm not being social because I want to work on me but I haven't been working on me so what do I do now? God, I wish I had more time in the day.

Thank you and God bless, Rosa.
Mood:  sad
Topic: General
I just found out a little while ago that Rosa Parks died tonight at the age of 92. What else can I say but she was an integral part of the civil rights movement and I know that my life would be drastically different if she would have given up that seat on the bus. She spoke out for human rights and opened Americas eyes. Thank you, Rosa. God bless and rest in peace.

Where have I been...
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Coheed and Cambria - Good Appollo, I'm Burning Star IV: From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness
Topic: General
Okay. A lot's been going on and I haven't had the heart to update the page for a while and there has also been a lack of time for updates the past couple of weeks.

Jonathan and I are not together at this point. We'll just leave it at "Let's see where we're at when I'm ready to move to DC."

I've been covering for Pat at work for 2 weeks. I've been working doubles and it's wearing me out. Luckily he'll be back next Tuesday so I'll get a chance to get back to my life.

Am I a whiny little bitch? Probably. Oh well. I'll work on it.

It's all about this and that.
Mood:  sharp
Now Playing: Coheed and Cambria - Good Apollo I'm Burning Star IV Volume I
Topic: General
Here's the "This" bit:

I've been PMS'ing like you wouldn't believe. I definitely have monthly hormonal cycles. I was REALLY irritable the first few days this week. My mood has greatly improved though. Everything at work was setting me off. I'm much more mellow today and ready to take on all the challenges work has in store for me right now.

Here's the "That" bit:

That I'm so psyched up to clean this weekend is friggin' amazing!! I just have this crazy impulse to clean and organize so that I can feel more comfortable in my space. I think I need that so that I can actually be creative. It's hard to be creative, i.e. write, draw, build brainish knowledge type things, when you don't have a clean place to do it. Maybe I'll even get another good chunk of the web page taken care of. I have some great ideas about that. Keep your eyes open cause whatever creative outlet I seek, I'm sure I'll get at least some of it in electronic format for your viewing pleasure.

TV. Good TV. Lost on TV. Lost good. Mmmmmmm. Lost-y goodness.

If you don't watch it yet. Start.

Getting there
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Coheed and Cambria - In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth 3
Topic: General
Well, I managed to make a couple adjustments to the site tonight. Added a "Currently" picture section at the bottom of the homepage so that people can see what kind of crazy disheveled state I'm in at any given moment. I'll update it whenever I damned well please.

God, I miss that silly stud muffin above. I desperately want to just hold him and feel like everything in the world is perfect. The loneliness really hurts. I can't wait to cart my fat ass down to DC again to see him.

I had to cover for Steph at work today cause she's still sick. I just want her to get better soon. Both for considerate reasons and selfish ones. Getting up at the asscrack of dawn is not an easy thing.

Burning Desire!!!
Mood:  special
Now Playing: Coheed and Cambria - Second Stage Turbine Blade
Topic: Feelings
Man, I'm feeling insanely creative. I just don't know how to get it all out. Working on the webpage has definitely helped but I feel like I need to do so much more.

Why am I always so lazy though. I really need to get on the ball and get working on something. Anything that's productive and anything that's creative. I'm going stir crazy in my own brain and it's killing me. Argh.

I need to feel like a winner. I'm not feeling bad, really. Just need to feel like things are going right for me.

Well, I'm gonna cut this one short before my brain explodes.

Right upside the brain
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: Coheed and Cambria - Second Stage Turbine Blade
Topic: General
Well, It's definitely been a LONG LONG time since I've written. I've been working hard on redesigning the site. A lot of things have gone on since I've last written. I'll try to get into them more later.

I'm so friggin' tired!!! I haven't been sleeping at all lately. It's really starting to take a toll on me. Well, I'm getting out early from work tomorrow because I have a dentist appointment so I'll come home and take a nap afterwards. Hopefully that helps but I doubt it. :(

Things with Jonathan are good. I love him so much. It's just so damned tough being so far away from him. It makes my heart sad.

Well, I'm going to cut it short for tonight and I'll try to update again real soon.

Time for another restless night.

Damn, it's been a while.
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Tori Amos
Topic: General
It's definitely been a while. So, let's see. What's new?

I got my nips re-pierced. Pics will soon be posted on the site for all to gaze upon the glory of the nip rings.

Jonathan's moved back to DC. I'm sad :( I miss him a whole bunch and stuff. He's so cute and sweet and nice. And he puts up with my stupid ass. :P

This past weekend I went to hang out with Mike, a friend of Jonathan and me. He's cool. Tori, Manson, goth boy. Well, I was telling him about the Manson show I went to a year and a half ago in Portland (Maine for those of you who don't know that Orgeon isn't the only one). I was like, "Yeah, it was a great show. I remember standing in line for forever and talking with these other people that were in line and there was this one guy who had an extra ticket and was trying to give it away but nobody believed him. They were all just going inside and buying one instead." Mike just looked at me and said, "Dude, that was me." I about crapped myself. It hit me like a ton of bricks that the people we were talking to were him and his friends Amanda and Casey.

What a small, messed up world we live in.

But it proves something. Manson does make the world go round and bring people together with a warm fuzzy feeling.

I'll be going down to DC in June to visit Jonathan and Patrick. I'm so excited. It's going to be so much fun. One more month. I'll be sure to get lots of pics while I'm there. I'll try to post those on the site too.

I finally cleaned my bedroom. With a little motivation from Gin. :) I completely gutted out all the crap and cleaned the living hell out of it. I'm going to work hard at keeping it that way too. I threw out so much crap. Six lawn bags just for starters. There's a whole lot more that I still need to sort thru. I'll get there.

Well, that's enough from me for now. It's not that I don't love you blog. It's just that I have a short attention span.

Okay, so it's been a while!
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: Black Eyed Peas - Elephunk
Topic: General
Okay, I'm a bum. I have written in my blog for quite a while now.

I just had a great weekend down in New Hampshire with Jonathan. I met lots of great new people while I was down there.

Saturday night we went to Boston with some friends of Jon's. We went to this great bar called The Alley. It was Bear night. So many hot guys. Holy crap. Lots of guys were complimenting me too which I really didn't know how to handle as that never happens in the hell of twink lovers I'm surrounded by up here in Maine.

I find it hard to believe that people can be so shallow about looks but I suppose it can go both ways. I don't like skinny guys. I just have no attraction to them whatsoever. The million dollar question I have to ask myself when I'm passing judgement on people though, "Are they just really into twinks or are they into what society tells them beauty is?"

In regards to that though, why do I hold myself to such twisted standards of beauty. Why do I worry about my hair, my acne, my weight? Sure, there's that societal influence, but maybe there's a little more to it. I don't like having my hair too long cause it makes my scalp feel funny and it's hard to keep combed. I don't like my complexion because acne looks gross but also it hurts and doesn't feel so great when I run my hands over my face. I don't like being fat because other people don't like the way I look.... wait, that's bullshit! I like chubby guys. The fat thing's about my clothes fitting right and my health. But everything else has two sides to it.

Life's like that I guess. Sometimes we get hung up about people that are getting hung up on stupid stuff. Are we being hipocrits then? Perhaps. I think the old saying, however religously conotated it may be, is quite true in some ways...

"Judge not, least ye be judged."

I like a different stance on that though. Judge as much as you fucking like but give people the benefit of the doubt `cause there's a really really good chance that you're wrong.

That coin goes both ways. You may think somebody is the greatest thing since sliced bread but then you realize... "wow, an axe murderer. never would have figured as much".

So, to wrap it all up cause it doesn't make too much sense yet, or will make sense at all........

I had a great weekend with lots of hot cub guys around that made me feel good about myself and sexy for a change and I was judging them (in a positive way) without knowing much else about most of them other than that they had bangin' bodies. I'm a judgemental, superficial bastard. GO SOCIAL SUBSECT BEAUTY STANDARDS!!!

Oh, and Transformers are really cool. Optimus is my homey.

Weak ass week
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Junior Senior
Topic: General
I know, I know. I haven't "BLOGGED" for a little while. This has been a weak ass week. I'm not loving the stress at work. I know it's all going to get better but there have been a couple projects that are just stressing me right out!!

The snow. Oh dear God! I hate the snow. It's really putting me into my dark place. We're supposed to get a whole lot more this weekend too and I'm really not looking forward to it. It's killing all of my unwinding plans.

I've definitely got to try to get down to Nashua the following weekend to keep my head from exploding!

I'm so tapped out on cash right now because of my stupid car. I really hope that I get my federal refund check soon. I probably wont be able to afford a new bed but it'll help ease some of the pressure from the money I've had to dump into my car lately.

I really want to write something happy but I'm not thinking of anything now so I guess tonights entry is just going to have to consist of moaning and groaning.

WooHoo! Dentist appointment tomorrow! *slams head onto desk*